20 Ways to Be a Perfect Wife

20 ways to be a perfect wife (from Proverbs 31):

1. Give your husband everything he needs.

2. Be good to your husband as long as you live.

3. Work hard with your hands.

4. Take long business trips.

5. Wake up before the roosters.

6. Cook a big breakfast for everyone in the house.

7. Shop for land, buy land, and plant a vineyard.

8. Work hard with strong arms.

9. Make lots of money.

10. Work all night.

11. Make and sell clothes.

12. Help the poor and needy.

13. Make sure your family members dress seasonally.

14. Make your bed well.

15. Wear nice clothes.

16. Make sure your husband gets the respect he deserves.

17. Be strong and dignified and have absolutely no concern about the future.

18. Speak words of wisdom and knowledge.

19. Manage your household well and don’t rest.

20. Look at all the noble things that other women do; then do more!

No one could ever live up to that list of characteristics. That’s why I accept the view that Proverbs 31 is not about an actual wife. I read it as a metaphor, like honey and the water cistern. The perfect wife of Proverbs 31 is wisdom.

(Day 204: Proverbs 30-31)

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Tomorrow Never Comes

“Tomorrow never comes,” occasionally quipped my dad during my childhood.

More recently someone asked me, “What are your aspirations? Do you want to become a minister someday?” I was already a minister, and the person was asking if I wanted to end up as a church’s primary preacher.

I replied with something like this: “I want to serve in God’s kingdom in a role that glorifies God, helps people, and utilizes my passions and skills.”

In the past few months, I’ve thought a lot about my future. Where does God want to use me next in full-time ministry? Should I continue on my current path of continuing education or shift to another? What writing projects should I begin, continue, or abandon? Do I want to stay in full-time church leadership for the next several decades, or should I eventually transition to a different kind of ministry?

I’ve also been reading a book by Randy Harris, who reminds me that God is now, that God is here. God is working in the here and now and wants to use me where I am with what I have.

And I come to these words in Proverbs 27:

Do not boast about tomorrow,
   for you do not know what a day may bring.

(Day 203: Proverbs 27-29)

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Eating Honey

When I was a child, one of my favorite Bible verses was in Proverbs 24:

Eat honey, my son, for it is good;
   honey from the comb is sweet to your taste.

In the next chapter, I sadly found these words:

If you find honey, eat just enough—
   too much of it, and you will vomit.

Should I eat honey but not too much? This confused my childhood appetite.

Honey imagery in the book of Proverbs means different things in different contexts.

According to Bible scholar Tova Forti, 24:13 teaches us that, like honey, wisdom “provokes pleasant feelings; the contents of learning and the teaching process are compared to the intake, swallowing and digesting of honey that leaves its sweet taste upon the palate.” When we read the next verse, Dr. Forti’s explanation makes sense.

What about the warning in 25:16? Verse 17 helps us understand that, while hospitality is a sweet gift, we should be careful not to “overstay our welcome.”

Eat some wisdom; it’s sweet. Spend time with people with whom you can grow in wisdom, but don’t burden them by staying too long.

And I thought the verses were about honey.

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Article cited: Tova Forti, “Bee’s Honey: From Realia to Metaphor in Biblical Wisdom Literature,” Vetus Testamentum 56 (2006), 327-341.

(Day 202: Proverbs 24-26)

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Train Up a Child

Tamara and I have been learning about parenting. I’ve been learning about it my whole life by watching and listening to wise parents, and the impendent birth of our first child has increased my receptivity to parental advice.

The most important lesson I’ve learned in the process is that parenting is an adventure for which we can never be fully prepared. Thankfully, however, we can find helpful wisdom, like these words from Proverbs 22:

Start children off on the way they should go,
   and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

That’s from the NIV. I grew up hearing the verse from the KJV:

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

That’s a principle, not a promise. Although not all children raised in God-glorifying homes end up following in their parents’ spiritual footsteps, research shows that such upbringing increases the probability that children will become adults of faith.

To begin exploring that research, you might want to read Brian Simmons’ Wandering in the Wilderness: Changes and Challenges to Emerging Adults’ Christian Faith.

(Day 201: Proverbs 22-23)

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A Good Wife

A good wife is a treasure, and today’s reading provides some interesting words about a wife who constantly quarrels:

A foolish child is a father’s ruin,
   and a quarrelsome wife is like
   the constant dripping of a leaky roof.

Better to live on a corner of the roof
   than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Better to live in a desert
   than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

Let’s avoid sexism as we read these proverbs. Husbands also can be “quarrelsome and nagging.” Maybe you can think of other undesirable characteristics that plague marriages, and healthy marriages require women and men alike to act and speak lovingly and faithfully:

Many claim to have unfailing love,
   but a faithful person who can find?

I thank God for Tamara. She’s a good wife. She’s not “quarrelsome and nagging;” she’s full of love and faithfulness. I pray that, as her husband, I will increasingly become more and more loving and faithful.

(Day 200: Proverbs 19-21)

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God Works

Why do bad things happen? If we believe that God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving, this question can challenge our faith. I’ve heard some answers but haven’t found one that silences the question. Why does God allow evil and suffering?

One truth claim that I accept, however, is that God is always working through whatever happens. In good and bad times, in experiences of joy and pain, God works to bring about the coming reality of love, justice, and peace.

“The LORD works out everything to its proper end” (Prov 16:4).

If you want to read more about the God who works, I encourage you to enjoy God Work, a book by Randy Harris.

(Day 199: Proverbs 16-18)

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Welcoming Correction

We don’t like authority; we value individualism. We want to think and act for ourselves, but that path doesn’t lead to spiritual growth. If we want to mature as people, as Christians, as friends, workers, and family members, we need to welcome corrective advice from trustworthy mentors. Check out these wise words from today’s reading:

Where there is strife, there is pride,
   but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Mockers resent correction,
   so they avoid the wise.

Plans fail for lack of counsel,
   but with many advisers they succeed.

Whoever heeds life-giving correction
   will be at home among the wise.

Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,
   but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.

We need to listen to guidance from mentors who advise us and correct us in wisdom. That need calls us to maintain a respectful relationship with God and a healthy view of ourselves (Prov 15:33). It challenges us to resist the me-ism of our culture and to welcome wise and faithful authority. It invites us to spiritual growth.

(Day 198: Proverbs 13-15)

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Life in Community

Biblical spirituality happens in life together, and that life of humility and love requires us to look beyond our own desires and preferences for the good of the community.

Healthy communities need healthy communication. Words of gossip, slander, and rebellion result in unnecessary conflict; but words of righteousness and wisdom nourish peace, as we see in Proverbs 10:

Hatred stirs up conflict,
   but love covers over all wrongs.

Life in community is hard, but it’s worth the effort. We need to swallow our egos and remember that the Bible, the world, and the mission of God is not about just “me.” And when this way of peace and love and unity is most difficult, let’s pray for the strength to resist the urge to speak carelessly:

Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
   but the prudent hold their tongues.

(Day 197: Proverbs 10-12)

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Day 196: Proverbs 7-9

Marital faithfulness is an important value that we certainly need to support in our culture and in our families. Yesterday’s reading paints that reality with these words:

Drink water from your own cistern,
   running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
   your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone,
   never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed,
   and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Such language in the biblical book of Proverbs, however, is about more than marital fidelity. It communicates a metaphor for living with wisdom instead of various alternatives, as we see in chapter 7:

Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
   and to insight, “You are my relative.”
They will keep you from the adulterous woman,
   from the wayward woman with her seductive words.

God is faithful to provide wisdom through our relationships with mentors, both contemporary and historic. Let’s be faithful to that wisdom.

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Day 195: Proverbs 4-6

The book of Proverbs repeatedly tells the “son” (the reader) to listen and to pay attention. In chapter 4 we see that one way to get wisdom is to listen, to pay attention, to wise people. In this case, the wise people are the father and the grandfather:

Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction;
   pay attention and gain understanding.
I give you sound learning,
   so do not forsake my teaching.
For I too was a son to my father,
   still tender, and cherished by my mother.
Then he taught me, and he said to me,
   “Take hold of my words with all your heart;
   keep my commands, and you will live.

I’ve learned a lot from my wise parents and grandparents. I’m still growing in wisdom, and I pray that my yet-to-be-born son will gain wisdom from me.

Maybe you benefited from a father’s wisdom. Perhaps you had a wise mother. Whether you gained wisdom from parents or not, you can find mentors who will share their wisdom with you. When you find a wise mentor, listen and pay attention.

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